7 Ways to Master Non-Violent Communication

Marc Lino D. Abila

Tired of misunderstandings and conflict derailing your relationships?

Imagine a world where you could express yourself authentically and understand others with profound empathy.

It's possible with Non-Violent Communication (NVC), a revolutionary approach to communication developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg.

Prepare to transform your interactions—here are seven powerful steps to master NVC and build deeper, more meaningful connections:

1. Observe Without Judgment

   • What to do: Start by clearly observing the situation or action without adding your own interpretations or judgments.

   • How to do it: Focus on what you see, hear, remember, or imagine that contributes to or detracts from your well-being. Use phrases like, "When I see/hear..."

   • Why it matters: Objective observation sets the stage for clear and honest communication.

     
     

2. Identify Your Feelings

   • What to do: Recognize and name the emotions you're experiencing in relation to the observation.

   • How to do it: Use "I feel..." statements, focusing on emotions (e.g., sad, frustrated, joyful) rather than thoughts (e.g., "I feel like you don't care"). Refer to inventories of feelings to expand your emotional vocabulary.

   • Why it matters: Acknowledging feelings helps you understand your reactions and communicate them effectively.

     
     

3. Connect to Your Needs

   • What to do: Identify the underlying needs, values, or aspirations that are connected to your feelings.

   • How to do it: Express the need or value that's causing your feelings. Use phrases like, "...because I need/value..." (e.g., "I feel frustrated because I need honesty").

   • Why it matters: Understanding your needs helps you communicate the root of your feelings and find constructive solutions.

     
     

4. Make Clear Requests

   • What to do: Clearly and specifically state what actions you would like taken to meet your needs.

   • How to do it: Frame your requests as concrete actions. Use phrases like, "Would you be willing to..." and ensure your request is positive and actionable.

   • Why it matters: Clear requests increase the likelihood of getting your needs met.

     
     

5. Paraphrase to Understand

   • What to do: When listening, paraphrase the speaker's observations to confirm you've heard them correctly.

   • How to do it: Reflect back what you understood the speaker to have observed. (e.g., "So, you noticed that...")

   • Why it matters: Paraphrasing shows that you are actively listening and promotes mutual understanding.

     
     

6. Reflect Feelings Empathetically

   • What to do: When listening, reflect on the core feelings of the speaker.

   • How to do it: Use empathetic statements to show you understand how the speaker is feeling. (e.g., "It sounds like you're feeling...")

   • Why it matters: Empathetic reflection validates the speaker's experience and builds trust.

     
     

7. Check Your Understanding

   • What to do: Confirm that you correctly understand the speaker's needs, fears, values, or aspirations.

   • How to do it: Ask clarifying questions to ensure you've accurately grasped the speaker's perspective. (e.g., "Is it correct that you value...?")

   • Why it matters: Checking for understanding minimizes misunderstandings and promotes deeper connection.

     
     

Ready to revolutionize your relationships? By consistently practicing these seven NVC steps, you'll unlock a new level of empathy, understanding, and connection in every interaction.

Start today, and witness the transformative power of mindful, compassionate communication.

After all, as NVC reminds us, “words make worlds”—let's build a better one, together!